Archive for December, 2013

The Law of Diminishing Returns

Posted in Random Thoughts with tags , , , , , , , , , on December 22, 2013 by bigtuna185

A.K.A. The only concept that I really remember from taking economics.

Essentially, if my memory serves me well (and it almost always does), it is a business venture that yields a profit, but less and less with each passing year. However, if I may put on the hat of cheesy action hero for the moment, this time it’s not just business, it’s personal.

There are rare times where I like to lower the deflector shields for a moment and allow people to get a real glimpse into what I’m going through and how I feel. This is one of those times, so if you catch yourself reading this, take a little bit of pride knowing that I don’t do this often…at least not publicly to strangers. Continue reading



Posted in Random Thoughts with tags , , , , , , , , , , on December 13, 2013 by bigtuna185


Just finished reading a book called Readicide, which dealt with why teaching students to a test and how overteaching/underteaching is killing the love of reading. Much more interesting than it sounds actually, and had useful strategies I’d like to use when I get my own English class.


Currently reading Star Wars: A New Hope written in Shakespearean English, possibly one of the nerdiest things that I own, and yet reading it made me supremely happy.

Get in line, ladies.


Posted in Poetry with tags , , , , , , , on December 9, 2013 by bigtuna185

Your voice sounds like 3 AM, suffocating and dark,
And I am unable to slip into the familiar
Circadian rhythms that beat so regularly,
The cat curled up peacefully a short distance away,
My phone screen blank, flatlining
While arrhythmia attacks my insides.

Your voice reminds me of aquariums
With thick glass encasing its rescued prisoners,
Because you can swim and drift and flail about
And I will pound and slam and scream my hardest,
Yet you will be unafraid, and I will go unnoticed
For you will hear nothing and thus do nothing
While I continue to feel nothing.

Your voice is like listening to my favorite song on mute,
As I try to follow the pace that I have memorized,
Singing along in my head,
Hoping that when the sound returns, so will you
And we will be in the same place that we left off.

Your voice is now gone because of mine,
The combination of syllables uttered in succession
Has caused you to lose it,
Or more accurately, caused me to lose you,
And now I cannot tell if I am merely deaf
Or you are mute.

Yet I can speak and you won’t listen,
And I am left alone,
Alone with the quiet of your voice.

Daily Prompt: A Source of Anxiety

Routine Maintenance

Posted in Poetry with tags , , , , , , , , on December 9, 2013 by bigtuna185

I used to hate when my “CHECK ENGINE” light came on,
Because it usually meant that I was about to lose money.
Now I’m a bit older, and finances seem to matter less,
But I got to thinking about the light and the car and the moving parts within,
And how they aren’t so much different from me
And my heart and my brain.

I thought about what it really means when that illuminated annoyance
Flickers to life upon my dashboard, almost with a sneer.
It is never specific, for then how would the mechanic make his hourly wage?
It gives little to no information other than the fact that
Something is wrong.

And so now I hate the light for a different reason now,
Because it serves as a constant reminder of the state of my inner self,
How my heart has been unable to function properly.

I imagine someone tiny inside, fumbling at the controls,
Attempting to steer me in the right direction
When all of a sudden the “CHECK ENGINE” light comes on.
So he slams the dashboard with pulsating rage,
Yelling profanities at my brain, but he doesn’t have to be so loud.
The message is received long before that happens:

There is something wrong with my heart,
But I have no idea what it is.


Posted in Poetry with tags , , , on December 7, 2013 by bigtuna185

A sponge is the most under-appreciated of
Common household items.
Easily usable, easily replaceable,
Scrubbing, soaking, absorbing,
Clearing all blemishes, unafraid of grime,
Never ashamed to step into situations that seem
Beyond its natural capabilities.
It is often abused, dropped, torn, shredded
Left to dry out, and forgotten about.
It takes in the entirety of our muck and mire,
Gets wrung out, and then proceeds to do it all again.
Stubborn little sponge, your endurance and patience
Are admired and understood by at least one.
Yet while you are able to take and take and take,
My threshold for absorption, while not yet reached,
Has limits

I’ve Got Some ‘Splainin’ to Do

Posted in Random Thoughts with tags , , , , on December 6, 2013 by bigtuna185

Hey there loyal followers, and I mean that in the most humble way possible. I’m still relatively new to this online community, so I’m not sure if I’ll get responses. I realize that I haven’t posted anything in a while, so I think it would be appropriate to update the people who care about what’s been happening.

Before I do that, I just want to extend some gratitude towards the people who regularly peruse and look through the things that I write. I don’t do it to please other people, but it’s nice to know that “strangers” will look at something I’ve created and find something to relate to in it. It’s very encouraging and I love the feedback I’ve gotten so far I hope to get some more the more that I write. So in short, thank you.

As for what’s been going on with me personally, I’ve been exhausting myself with work. For a little bit of background, I graduated with my BA in English this past May and got certified to teach high school English in New York. The job situation isn’t what I’d call ideal, but I managed to land a TA position at an elementary school for the time being. It isn’t what I ultimately want, but it pays well, the hours and work aren’t difficult, and I have a job in my field. I can’t complain about that.

In addition to that, I’ve kept my retail job that I’ve been working at for the past 3 years to make some extra cash on the side. As you can imagine, Black Friday was no picnic. In fact, it was probably the worst that I’ve seen so far. Between my two jobs (one working with young children and the other working with people who act like children), I’ve been exhausted and trying to use any free time I get to relax.

So the question becomes, why do I need to post this then? Why should you care, and more importantly, why should I bother to say it? I suppose there’s a small part of me that likes to think that people may have looked forward to my poems, haikus, short stories, and the like. In reality, this is a way to hold me accountable. I want to write more, and if I make my claim public, then that means I must follow up with it. Right now I should be able to manage at least once a week. It isn’t that I’ve been without inspiration; it’s more that I’ve lacked the will to take the time to sit down and write it.

I also want to put out there that if someone ever has a request for a story they’d like written or something of that nature, I’m game to take on the challenge. I wrote one for my friend for his birthday because he expressed to me that a gift like that would be one of a kind, and much more meaningful than anything manufactured. The story Capsule is the result of that endeavor, and he loved it. I figured I would open it up here for anyone that felt moved to give me a challenge.

That’s more or less what’s been going on in a nutshell, besides anything that has happened romantically, but that’s a story for another time in another post. I don’t expect responses, but I’m looking forward to the possibility of something new to put out there. If you’ve made it this far, know that I appreciate your attention span and initiative to read more than just a paragraph. I’m long winded. It’s a gift and a curse. Thanks for caring.